Who are these people?
They are so busy that they have to combine activities not meant to be done at same time.
Some of our young moms and dads love to run for exercise.
Jogging mile after mile.
Sometimes a marathon here and there but always running.
Dinner with friends.
Maybe a little wine tasting.
Their house is full of the latest technology and enough gym equipment to launch an Olympic team.
But then mother nature intervenes.
Along comes baby.
What are they supposed to do now?
Which leads us to the yuppie combo plan.
Everyone knows that good parents take Junior out for some fresh air every day.
This is a problem.
After all, the daily routine must include nails done, Pilates, yoga, lunch with friends, and don't forget the daily Starbucks run.
But America's sweethearts are ingeniously clever.
Heather and Brad can have it all by doing two things at once!
Breakfast while answering e-mails.
Texting while getting a pedicure.
And America's newest competitive event.
Baby buggy boogie boogie.
You've seen it.
Mom or dad pushing the baby buggy while running, headset place firmly over the ears to listen to the audio version of the latest from Oprah's book club.
This super parent has got to work up a good sweat.
Got to be ready for the Save The Botox Clinic marathon.
So what if baby Megan gets a bumpy ride?
Mustn't let baby's excursion interfere with training.
Now I've seen this little endeavor in my own neighborhood.
It makes me nervous.
Some of these runners are really moving.
That padded top-of-the-line pram with spring-loaded shock absorbers is really rattling down the uneven sidewalk.
I hope the infant's teeth haven't come in yet because it will be hard not to lose them during this rough ride.
Here's a frightening variation.
Bicycle enthusiasts have invented a scary chariot for the unfortunate tot that gets attached to the back of the bike.
Baby trails mom or dad in this plastic and canvas deathtrap on wheels that bumps down the highway about 13 inches off the ground.
Are you kidding me?
By the time the delivery truck has sideswiped baby, it's too late.
Ben-Hur was safer when the Romans tried to run him off the track in the Roman Colosseum.
Look, young parents.
I get it.
But give your kids a gift that only you can give them.
Your full time and attention.
Read a book to them.
And don't rush it.
Skip the stroller Sprint or the bike a baby and do it the old-fashioned way.
Make your kid number one.
Take them out to let the sun and the wind gently caress them.
Even babies can sense when mom or dad is merely squeezing them into their self-centered schedule.
Look, your glutes may not be as tight as you'd like under my plan.
But your kids will be safer.
And the love you demonstrate will be good for another body part.