Thursday, September 13, 2012

Yuppie Parents Sometimes Out of Control on the Roadways of Life

Who are these people?


They are so busy that they have to combine activities  not meant to be done at same time.


Some of our young moms and dads love to run for exercise.


Jogging mile after mile.


Sometimes a marathon here and there but always running.






Dinner with friends.


Maybe a little wine tasting.


Their  house is full of the latest technology and enough gym equipment to launch an Olympic team.


But then mother nature intervenes.


Along comes baby.


What are they supposed to do now?


Which leads us to the yuppie combo plan.


Everyone knows that good parents take Junior out for some fresh air every day.


This is a problem.


After all, the daily routine must include nails done, Pilates, yoga, lunch with friends, and don't forget the daily Starbucks run.


But America's sweethearts are ingeniously clever.


Heather and Brad can have it all by doing two things at once!


Breakfast while answering e-mails.


Texting while getting a pedicure.


And … America's newest competitive event.


Baby buggy boogie boogie.


You've seen it.


Mom or dad pushing the baby buggy while running, headset place firmly over the ears to listen to the audio version of the latest from Oprah's book club.


This super parent has got to work up a good sweat.


Got to be ready for the Save The Botox Clinic marathon.


So what if baby Megan gets a bumpy ride?


Mustn't let baby's excursion interfere with training.


Now I've seen this little endeavor in my own neighborhood.


It makes me nervous.


Some of these runners are really moving.


That padded top-of-the-line pram with spring-loaded shock absorbers is really rattling down the uneven sidewalk.


I hope the infant's teeth haven't come in yet because it will be hard not to lose them during this rough ride.


Here's a frightening variation.


Bicycle enthusiasts have invented a scary chariot for the unfortunate tot that gets attached to the back of the bike.


Baby trails mom or dad in this plastic and canvas deathtrap on wheels that bumps down the highway about 13 inches off the ground.


Are you kidding me?


By the time the delivery  truck has sideswiped  baby, it's too late.


Ben-Hur was safer when the Romans tried to run him off the track in the Roman Colosseum.


Look, young parents.


I get it.


You're busy.


But give your kids a gift that only you can give them.


Your full time and attention.


Read a book to them.


And don't rush it.


Skip the stroller Sprint or the bike a baby and do it the old-fashioned way.


Make your kid number one.


Take them out to let the sun and the wind gently caress them.


Even babies can sense when mom or dad is merely squeezing them into their self-centered schedule.


Look, your glutes may not be as tight as you'd like under my plan.


But your kids will be safer.


And the love you demonstrate will be good for another body part.


Your heart.

1 comment:

  1. As a father who sometimes takes my daughter for the occasional run and/or bike ride, I must say I found your article to be laughable. You are clearly writing from the perspective of an old man who just doesn’t get those darn kids these days. I’m obviously not your target demo but think it’s interesting that this kind of antiquated thinking is still being printed today (no wonder print is a dying medium and your blog has very few members).

    I can see where most folks see the jogging stroller and automatically judge the book by its cover and use terms like “yuppie” (as if being young and professional is derogatory). I can see where they would assume that same person engages in “wine tastings” and a “daily Starbucks run” when they aren’t neglecting their children in other frivolous endeavors like that scary “technology” and “home gym equipment”.

    After you spend some time mocking parents who attempt at having a personal life, you then try to spin your stance towards the child’s safety. Isn’t your generation the one who mocks us for our over usage of safety equipment, hand sanitizer, etc.? Is that the concern? The baby rattling when you yourself were probably transported in a car in your parent’s lap? Would you prefer we keep our children at home where they are safe and cuddly? I’m sure that’s how you became such a well-rounded adult.

    Finally, you deliver the real message. Parents who exercise don’t make their kids number one. They are self-centered and heartless.

    Now, here’s my rebuttal: We occasionally run with our child. Maybe 1-2 times per week at a max of 45 minutes. There are worse fates in life – doing something you might not want to for 45 minutes. However, our kid loves it, demands it, and even cries when we don’t. We talk to her and point out the sights. She takes toys and snacks and has a blast. We also take her for bike rides - not for fitness purposes but to go to the playground. Once again – she loves it and begs for it. Safety is our #1 priority on any trip near a road. Believe it or not, our fitness or need for fresh air doesn’t trump a dead baby.

    We like to be fit. Not so we look good naked but so we can play with her, keep up with her, and be alive to walk her down the aisle. I can’t help but think fat parents don’t necessarily make better parents. We don’t drink Starbucks. We’ve never been to a wine tasting although we do drink the occasional glass of red wine for the antioxidants and heart health. We don’t get pedicures. We don’t even have “lunch with friends” – your words, as if that were a bad thing. We talk and play during breakfast and leave the emails at work. We read books, sing songs, play with toys, do arts and crafts. Our kid is our life and we devote a vast majority of our time to ensuring she lives a rich/fulfilling life and one of which we are alive to share with her. We like to set a positive example of being active and staying healthy (side note - we also eat cookies, ice cream, and other junk food in moderation). Granted, we still leave a little bit of time for us to grow as human beings and enjoy life (again, a good example to set).

    So, go ahead and judge a book by its cover. Judging by your cover, I will assume you’re a dead-wrong bitter old man who has lost touch.