Thursday, July 25, 2013

Mysterious stranger adds immeasurably to your threesome

Some more life lessons.

Talk to a dog. These wonderful creatures have a way of making you feel that they hear you, and that they care. Whoever said the best way to be a friend is to just listen must have met my lovable golden.

Never order the seafood gumbo: it consists of leftover marine animals  from previous unsuccessful menus.

Never use the phrase "Quite frankly" or "To be perfectly honest". All of us assume that you are truthful all the time.

If the public restroom has blowers instead of paper towels, use your sleeve on the door handle as you exit. That handle is a fecal playground.

Encourage a kid who seems lurpy or awkward in sports or some other activity. That kid will remember your kindness for the rest of his life.

Don't be afraid to pray while  driving. If the driver next to you sees your rosary, he won't think you're weird. He'll know  you believe.

If you have to begin a sentence with "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but…" or " It's none of my business but…", don't say what you are about to say. You will hurt someone's feelings. And it is none of your business.

Hygiene: Let someone else conduct the examination to remove ear hairs. You are guaranteed to miss some.

Look at the actual  tags on the clothing on the rack. The size marker attached to the hangar may be wrong.

Change your toothbrush at least every seven days. You can't imagine the disgusting microbes forming new colonies on your Oral-B.

Sit down and read a book. You have the time. If  you don't then your life is moving too fast.

Gladly accept a gift card from a merchant when you don't have a receipt. The retailer owes you nothing for receiptless returns.

When you enter a McDonald's or a coffee shop in the morning, stop and say hi to all the oldsters sitting there just looking for someone to talk to. You'll receive a smile and a friendly exchange.  You'll be old someday too.

Tip high. Always. Sometimes the bad server is just having a bad day. Be a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Bring more than one plastic bag when you take the dog out for a walk. Multi-poops are hard to manage with just one. I've tried.

Stay in the  long drive-through line as opposed to going  inside for speed. Corporate fast food franchises monitor the time for each drive-through customer.  Counter traffic not so much.

Always allow a golfer playing solo to join up with your group. The Lord has put these lone duffers in your path.   The stranger might be Jesus in disguise.  You can tell because, as  everybody knows, only God can hit a two iron.

Last but not least, just before you put your head on the pillow at night, tell God that you place all of your problems in his  hands. You will sleep peacefully.  He hears you.


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