This Horror Story Features The Dreaded Lippy

Let's face it.  The "Greeting Kiss" is here to stay.

 

It's completely platonic,  and  involves a simple  peck on the cheek.  The Greeting Kiss can be exchanged between women or between  a man and a woman.

 

The Greeting  Kiss  is a handy substitute for the cold handshake when something more seems to be called for.  It can  be given to a relative or   as  a sign of  friendship.

 

Take Dan and Louise.  They've been great friends for me and my wife for years. Dan and I shake hands while Louise and I exchange a brief hug and a peck on the cheek. I call the  Greeting Kiss  "The Cheeky".

 

Saying hello to Aunt  Lucy at a  wedding?  The Cheeky is the perfect way to show you care.

 

The other day I ran into Rita.  Years ago we worked together.  She is such a gem and she took such good care of me.  A Cheeky was definitely in order.  It felt right.

 

So we all know the Cheeky and we all do  The  Cheeky.

 

Enter the evil one, The Lippy.

 

The Lippy is the peck on the cheek that ends up being a peck on the lips.  Right on the  lips!

 

My wife's Grandma Nanna used to do that. I'll never forget that first  horrifying experience.

 

Hi Nanna, I said.   We moved closer for that first encounter half-hug to be  followed by the expected Cheeky.

 

Everything went into slow motion.  Her face grew larger in the lens of my eye like the close-up on the villain in a Hitchcock film.

 

And before I knew it, she was softly kissing me not on the cheek but on my lips!  It was such a weird feeling.

 

 I remember each disturbing detail, all the way down to the soft bristles of the mustache Nanna was working on.

 

The Lippy.  It's just wrong I tell you.

 

My wife told me its just an old family custom and don't worry.  I accepted that explanation and kind of  buried the scary   memory after Nanna died a few years ago.

 

But then my wife told me about a friend while we were at a party recently.   Apparently Ed does the Lippy too.  Nothing improper intended says my wife but Ed's family carries on the idea of the Lippy instead of the Cheeky.

 

So to the Ed's of the world and the families who prolong this strange tradition,  I want you to know that no one appreciates it.  We want  you to know that it makes the rest of us uncomfortable.

 

Please stop.  Long live The Cheeky.  Stamp out  The Lippy. 

 

Especially The Lippy from Hairy lipped Octogenarians.