The rain that stains stays mainly in my brain

Mark Twain said that politicians are like  diapers: both should be changed frequently and usually for the same reason.

 

It reminds me of something from  my files marked "My Years as Mayor".

 

The City of Euclid has an unusual wastewater treatment system.

 

All the toilets in Euclid and a few surrounding communities flow to the wastewater treatment site located just north of the Lakeshore and Babbitt intersection.

 

The contents of your commode end up at this plant where  fecal matter and other impurities are removed.

 

These solids removed from the sanitary flow are mixed together to form something called sludge.

 

Here's the unusual part that most people don't know.

 

The sludge is  then piped a long way underground to what constitutes the diagonal opposite end of the city.

 

This disgusting material  takes a subterranean route from Lakeshore Boulevard to the south marginal sludge plant where this substance is dried out to a cake-like material so  it can be disposed of properly.

 

A few years ago when I served as Euclid's political leader, something amazing happened.

 

The underground tubes carrying the sludge broke open underneath a major intersection with explosive force.

 

Poop pudding shot up into the air.

 

It was a huge version of  the milk chocolate fountain  you see at a desert table at a wedding reception.

 

Gross.

 

You would not want to dip a strawberry into this gunk.

 

Fortunately, no automobiles or pedestrians were in the intersection when the pavement blasted open.

 

No   accidents even though the viscosity of this crap (literally)  made for a slippery slimy surface in the immediate vicinity of the burst.

 

An emergency contractor was summoned  and the situation was corrected within a couple of days.

 

For some reason, the media virtually ignored this incident.

 

To me, it was incredible because such a large volume of foul-smelling excrement paste rocketed up into the air and oozed about in   one of our neighborhoods.

 

One would've expected at least a story on the 11 o'clock news or the morning paper.

 

I remember anticipating the critical headlines.

 

Why didn't the city inspect the sludge lines sufficiently to avert such a problem?

 

I envisioned local broadcasters making jokes about politicians with diarrhea.

 

However, because of quick action and the dumb luck of media just not finding out, the potentially  negative public relations problem never materialized.

 

So, citizens, as you drive through the city of Euclid, and you feel some kind of rumbling, remember this.

 

It could be your stomach.

 

Or it could be the thunderous  underground transport of something you never want to see.

 

So look at what goes swirling round and round and down that porcelain  bowl.

 

And think about what happened one day  a few years ago.

 

A smelly brown came raining down.

 

Have a nice day.