Thursday, December 2, 2010

Disgusting Personal Habits Just Gross Me Out

I am not a Germophobe, that is, a person with an irrational fear of Germs.

 

Nope, I'm just grossed out.

 

At the risk of being grouped with Felix Unger of Odd Couple fame, he of the over-fastidious habits, or Detective Monk, who keeps hand sanitizer in his pocket, I will tell you what grosses me out.

 

I am at church and you are sitting behind me.  You are coughing and  sneezing and maybe even occasionally blowing your nose  into some overused tissue or worse into a handkerchief that doesn't have any unused  mucosal parking  spots left.

 

At the "offer each other a sign of peace" part of the service you turn expectantly  to shake my hand. Really? No. I'm grossed out.

 

By the way,  those of you who still carry the old hanky the way Grandpa used to, when you are done blowing your nose,  you don't have to pause to look at it, like some lab technician checking for pathology.

 

Here's another one.  I can deal with the busy waitress at the diner whose thumb occasionally tickles my omelet  as she carries a heavy plate to my table.

 

Just don't touch my food when you are handling money.  Money is filthy.  It's gone from the hands of hookers to addicts to proctologists to who knows where.

 

A certain bagel store near my home features a guy who wears little cellophane gloves to handle the food and then wears the same gloves to handle the money and then back to the food in the same plastic gloves. Gross.  The only human being protected is him.

 

Here is the worst one. Studies show that one-third of Americans   use   public restroom toilets without washing their hands afterward.

 

When I use public facilities, I won't grab the door handle to exit with my hands that I've just washed.  I will use a paper towel or a sleeve or anything but I won't touch that handle.   The studies tell us that handle is covered with….well…just use your most disgusting imagination.

 

By the way,  MEMO TO THE WORLD HAND DRYER CORPORATION ( you know, you folks who  manufacture those blowers to dry our hands because the building owner is too cheap to spring for paper towels?):  NO ONE HAS TIME TO REALLY DRY THEIR HANDS USING THESE DUMB THINGS EVEN IF THEY ARE WORKING.

 

In conclusion, I am not a Germpohobe.  I am acting prudently.

 

I am just GROSSED OUT.

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