So I'm watching coverage of the conclave the other night.
The host is Anderson Cooper, the snot nosed rich kid: his mother was Gloria Vanderbilt.
Cooper became the darling of left-wing media types when he came out of the closet last year.
Memo to celebrity wannabes: nothing makes your career take off faster than the "I'm gay" confession.
Anderson introduces Father Alberto Cutie (pronounced KOO-TE-A).
Cutie is wearing a Roman collar.
Cooper inquires as to the future of the papacy.
Cutie appears to be a Roman Catholic priest about to expound on the virtues of the future pontiff.
That's not what happened.
Father Cutie launches into a diatribe.
He tells Anderson that the church must cast aside its policies of exclusion.
The church pushes people away from Catholicism by insisting on priests that are celibate and male.
My jaw dropped.
A cheshire cat smile as he smugly casts aside ancient tradition based on divine inspiration.
Why is "Father" Alberto Cutie on this blasted news show anyhow?
Aren't we looking for the Catholic view of Catholicism?
What exactly was that?
So I did little research.
Turns out Alberto Cutie is not actually a Catholic priest.
He left the priesthood two years ago to marry his girlfriend.
Oh, it gets better.
Cutie only left because he was found out.
Paparazzi followed the popular prelate and captured some wild video involving Cutie and a bombshell named Ruhama.
I won't get too graphic, but some of the shots show this man who was a parish pastor at the time reaching into the girl's bikini bottoms.
Nice going, Padre.
In any case, this is the man CNN chooses to comment on the Catholic Church's solemn process of picking a successor to St. Peter.
Bishop Sheen must be spinning in his grave.
Today, Cutie has his own Protestant Episcopalian parish.
He and the bombshell wed and have a new baby.
Good for them.
I don't really blame Alberto Cutie.
He's not the first priest to fall before the power of raging hormones.
But why, why, why on Earth would CNN parade out a man who broke his vows and now celebrates the crime.
This ex-catholic is popular in Miami because of his books proclaiming the need to eliminate celibacy, so the priest can give full expression to his sexuality.
Newsflash for Alberto: nobody forced you into the seminary.
You took an oath, a promise.
Most importantly, you're not qualified to comment on the beloved faith you're so busy ripping to shreds.
No, the real blame falls on CNN.
So Americans, seize thy remote and change the channel.
And tell the cable company that you are upset.
Upset because it is painfully clear that CNN no longer stands for Cable News Network.
Today it is apparent that CNN now stands for something else.
Catholicism Not Needed.